It’s hard to believe that I haven’t gone on a date since July, but that’s the honest truth. It’s been pretty dull on the dating front but fulfilling in other ways (i.e. going on vacation). But with a new school year comes a new gameplan.

I was reading the  Globe and Mail this morning like any good journalism student does and I came across a new dating website. It’s called alikewise.com and it matches you with people based on your taste in literature. Isn’t that awesome?!

Now some might say it’s elitist but I contend that it is not. Since when is reading elitist? We live in a society where the vast majority of people can read. That evens the playing field. Whether you choose to or not is your call, but for those who do, your taste in reading material can say a lot about who you are.

For example, I own just about everything Hemingway’s ever written. I like Kerouac but can’t stand Bukowski. Don’t even try and talk me into Dostoevsky. Take from that what you will.

I like books. I like people that like books. I like boys who can talk with me about books. I even like boys who know more about books than I do.

So there you go. I am cast my line into a new pond. Let’s hope that I catch something.

What’s a girl gotta do to get a break around here?

Yes my friends, un-caffeinated and bleary-eyed, I failed to see that it was Bill Murray in the photo. Surprisingly enough, I recognized the name ‘Herman Blume’, but couldn’t place it.

Turns out it was my friend Helen’s boyfirend (and therefore my newly acquired friend) Andrew. That guy! I’m tellin’ you.

So, alas, no Old Fashions at the Chateau Laurier bar for me, but it was nice to think about for a little while.

And Andrew, I am currently planning a sweet plot for revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge…

“would you like to unleash the inner child and play?” -Dude, you couldn’t even make it posessive? YOUR inner child? Nope, it really is beyond your scope of understanding, isn’t it? Oh, and remember to capitalize the first word in a sentence next time.

“hey, how are you cutie, you
attracted my eyes then I decided
if we could hang out for some good
time”

Is this some new kind of poetic form that I’m not aware of? You know, with un-natrual line breaks, and tense changes and stuff? Well, there’s something to be said for the punctuation if nothing else. Generally, it’s better to end a question with one of these ‘?’. I mean, yeah, your tone will carry the idea as a question, but just humour me on this one, ok? Also, I might be a woman, but I can make my own decisions as to whether or not “we could hang out for some good time”.

I am sorry for once again leaving you high and dry. It seems that these days the messages from men are few and far between and it took some prodding from a few good friends (and devoted readers) to get me back up on this soap-box and call far and wide, tales of romance from the internet. So here I am, and there you are.

What’s new? Well, it’s funny you should ask…

That under-the-wire date with Olivier was ok. The conversation felt a little strained and I didn’t really want to go since I had just gotten off work and was really tired. To top it off, he didn’t pic up on (or perhaps completely ignored) all body language telling him to “Please Bugger Off” at the end of it, and he insisted on walking me home. Then when I said goodnight, he kept taking and moving in closer. And talking and moving in closer. I inched towards the door he followed. Then, BLAM! He moved in for a kiss and I dashed for the door.

I felt bad giving him such a harsh end to the night, but at the same time, I flat out told him that I was looking for something strictly platonic earlier that night AND that I’d rather him not walk me home. Your thoughts on the situation?

ALSO, I just got a message on Plentyoffish from a recent divorcee that i really don’t know what to make of. It definitely falls into the ‘WTF?’ category with our favourite mistress seeker. It reads:

Christine,

I am a middle-aged man currently being sued for divorce staying in a swanky hotel indefinitely.

Things I like in a woman: youth, beauty, charm, not being my wife.

Things I can offer you: silver fox mystique, grandiose gestures of affection.

Things you should know: I am stalked by children.

I hope you know what I mean when I say I would like to have some carrots.

Sincerely, Herman _ _ _ _ _.

YOU ARE STALKED BY CHILDREN?! Is that supposed to be a good thing? Like, girls follow you around because you;re so good looking? Is that what that is supposed to mean? Also, are carrots supposed to be a lude, phallic reference?

I DON”T UNDERSTAND!!!

How do these people come into my life? What is it that attracts them? These are all things I am trying to figure out.

Please leave your message after the beep.

Like, right now.

Details to come!

Filled with good intentions I’m sure, but are you for real?!

I’ve been doing ok too. Thanks for asking. What’s that? No, I haven’t been on any dates recently, but here are a couple of tales from way back (i.e. June 6th) that I’ve neglected to update you on.

Alex from the, uh, Internet and I went bowling that fateful afternoon. It started out well enough despite the drizzle. Let me tell you Ottawa friends, West Park Lanes is the only way to go. So much kitsch! And talk about value; 3 games for $12! We got our shoes and hit the lanes.

I was feeling particularly chatty that afternoon on account of too much coffee that morning, but things seemed to be going well. I was trailing for most of the game but a quick one-two punch of a spare and a strike put me ahead to win the first game. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a bit competitive. Anyone who knows me really well knows that that’s a bit of an understatement.

While I was busy getting my game on (in the bowling sense) Alex was trying to get his game on in the other sense. He started touching my arm and patting me on the back and making weird double entendre remarks while doing so. I felt totally weirded out. Unfortunately, there was still a whole other game to play.

By the time we were half-way through the 3rd game, I just wanted to split. I ended up just chucking the ball down the lane so I could get the heck out. It’s not that Alex from the, uh, Internet is creepy. I was just getting weird vibes from the whole situation. Nice guy. Kind of funny. No second date.

As I was on the bus on the way back Olivier, L’homme Charmant, texted me asking if I’d like to go out for dinner. And so began date #2.

We met for Thai food in The Market and had a relaxed evening with good conversation, which was a nice change from earlier in the day. The catch? THE WHOLE FRIGGIN’ DATE WAS IN FRENCH!

Not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous about having to carry on a whole date in French but, I just flat out told him at the beginning that I don’t think that my language skills are up to snuff and he laughed. He said: “Based on that statement alone and your ability to recognize that, I think you’ll be fine.” YEAH! Woo hoo!

And so it went. His job is complicated and I dont really get it. He likes movies and sailing. We talked about politics and law and Quebec. You know, all of those things that you’re NOT supposed to bring up on a first date. It was great!

We both agreed that it would be nice to meet up again but, unfortunately, that has yet to happen. Want to go see a movie? Can’t I have class. Want to come over for dinner? Can’t I’m working. Who would have thought it would be so hard to hang out with someone who works 9-5? I’m not one to give up, if only to practice my French.

How about you? Got any new prospects on the horizon?

So far, I have one set up with the aforementioned Alex (we’re going bowling!) and another potential date with Monsieur Charmant (AKA Olivier AKA the fiscal lawyer who works for the feds).  Is it bad that I want to make the him buy me dinner?

Oh, and this guy still wants to meet up.

Yep, it’s going to be a busy one!

Now that they’re all aligned, they require a lot of TLC to keep them lookin’ fine. Enter Dr. Jill Taylor.

Now, it may seem weird for me to be plugging my dentist on here, but she’s responsible for the aforementioned smile AND she’s the one who made me follow through on this whole e-dating thing. You see, the day after I was chatting with Christy about the blog, I went to have some dental work done and I told Dr. Taylor about the idea. She thought it was great and, not wanting to disappoint, here I am.

SO, if your teeth are in need of a little TLC, or you’re looking to purchase some art (the office also serves as an art gallery. I told you she’s awesome!), drop by the office at 479 Bank St. (at Flora)**. They’ll fix you up.

*Unlike this pun

**Or check out their website: http://toothgallery.ca