It’s been a while, Internet folk. How are you doing? You look good. Is that shirt vintage?
I’ve been doing ok too. Thanks for asking. What’s that? No, I haven’t been on any dates recently, but here are a couple of tales from way back (i.e. June 6th) that I’ve neglected to update you on.
Alex from the, uh, Internet and I went bowling that fateful afternoon. It started out well enough despite the drizzle. Let me tell you Ottawa friends, West Park Lanes is the only way to go. So much kitsch! And talk about value; 3 games for $12! We got our shoes and hit the lanes.
I was feeling particularly chatty that afternoon on account of too much coffee that morning, but things seemed to be going well. I was trailing for most of the game but a quick one-two punch of a spare and a strike put me ahead to win the first game. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a bit competitive. Anyone who knows me really well knows that that’s a bit of an understatement.
While I was busy getting my game on (in the bowling sense) Alex was trying to get his game on in the other sense. He started touching my arm and patting me on the back and making weird double entendre remarks while doing so. I felt totally weirded out. Unfortunately, there was still a whole other game to play.
By the time we were half-way through the 3rd game, I just wanted to split. I ended up just chucking the ball down the lane so I could get the heck out. It’s not that Alex from the, uh, Internet is creepy. I was just getting weird vibes from the whole situation. Nice guy. Kind of funny. No second date.
As I was on the bus on the way back Olivier, L’homme Charmant, texted me asking if I’d like to go out for dinner. And so began date #2.
We met for Thai food in The Market and had a relaxed evening with good conversation, which was a nice change from earlier in the day. The catch? THE WHOLE FRIGGIN’ DATE WAS IN FRENCH!
Not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous about having to carry on a whole date in French but, I just flat out told him at the beginning that I don’t think that my language skills are up to snuff and he laughed. He said: “Based on that statement alone and your ability to recognize that, I think you’ll be fine.” YEAH! Woo hoo!
And so it went. His job is complicated and I dont really get it. He likes movies and sailing. We talked about politics and law and Quebec. You know, all of those things that you’re NOT supposed to bring up on a first date. It was great!
We both agreed that it would be nice to meet up again but, unfortunately, that has yet to happen. Want to go see a movie? Can’t I have class. Want to come over for dinner? Can’t I’m working. Who would have thought it would be so hard to hang out with someone who works 9-5? I’m not one to give up, if only to practice my French.
How about you? Got any new prospects on the horizon?
“
Bad Pick-Up Lines: Part 2
They’re everywhere on the internet. They come in all sizes and bastardizations of syntax and grammar. Yep, here are a few more bad pick-up lines I’ve gotten over the last couple days.
“would you like to unleash the inner child and play?” -Dude, you couldn’t even make it posessive? YOUR inner child? Nope, it really is beyond your scope of understanding, isn’t it? Oh, and remember to capitalize the first word in a sentence next time.
“hey, how are you cutie, you
attracted my eyes then I decided
if we could hang out for some good
time”
Is this some new kind of poetic form that I’m not aware of? You know, with un-natrual line breaks, and tense changes and stuff? Well, there’s something to be said for the punctuation if nothing else. Generally, it’s better to end a question with one of these ‘?’. I mean, yeah, your tone will carry the idea as a question, but just humour me on this one, ok? Also, I might be a woman, but I can make my own decisions as to whether or not “we could hang out for some good time”.
2 Comments
Filed under Commentary
Tagged as bad pick up lines, e-dating, internet dating, plentyoffish